幸運西的天空

昨天睡前很找死的挑了這集來看
會挑他純粹是個意外
看到一半才發現 我怎麼那麼碰巧的挑了個scully得癌症的這集來看呢 囧
這集scully的獨白跟日記很棒
去翻了以前X檔案的精華區 決定偷搬台詞

 For the first time I feel time like a heartbeat, the seconds
pumping in my breast like a reckoning; the numinous mysteries
that once seemed so distant and unreal threatening clarity in
the presence of a truth entertained not in youth, but only in
its passage. I feel these words as if their meaning were weight
being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share
my burden as I have come to trust no other. That you should know
my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience
that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me now as I
feel the tethers loose and the prospects darken for the
continuance of a journey that began not so long ago, and which
began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your
convictions. If not for which I might never have been so strong
now as I cross to face you and look at you incomplete, hoping
that you will forgive me for not making the journey with you.

      我第一回感覺時間像心跳，秒數像最後審判一樣唧進我的胸部。
過去似乎如此遙遠，且虛幻的難解之謎，已並非於年少時，而是在時光
流逝中，沈思的真相威脅著清晰。我感覺到這些字就像其意義，是我卸
下的重擔。知道在我無法信任別人時，你會讀到它並為我分憂。知道你
會了解我的內心，注視它，並在我心中發現屬於你.....就是你的回憶
與經歷，對我來說是一種慰藉。在繼續於不久前展開的旅程時，感到繫
繩鬆脫、前途黑暗。該旅程因你的堅持而再度展開，若非如此，我也許
不會這麼堅強的面對你，看著你壯志未酬，並希望你原諒我，不陪你走
完剩下的路......

[第二段]
In med school I learnt that cancer arrives in a body unannounced,
a dark stranger who takes up residence,
turning its new home against itself.
This is the evil of cancer, that it starts as an invader,
but soon becomes one with invaded, forcing you to destroy it,
but only at the risk of destroying yourself.
It is science's demon possession;
my treatments, science's attempted exorcism.
Mulder, I hope in these terms you might know it, and know me,
and accept this stranger so many recognize,
but can not ever completely cast out.
And if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this,
you must never think there was the possibility of some secret
intervention, something you might have done.
And though we've traveled far together,
this last distance must necessarily be traveled alone.

在醫學院裡，我學到癌症未經宣告就來到體內，強佔住所的陰險陌生人，
讓它的新家跟自己敵對，這就是癌的邪惡。它一開始是入侵者，但很快的
即成為被入侵者，迫使你摧毀它，但唯有冒著摧毀自身的風險。這是科學
的惡魔附身，我的治療....科學的驅魔嘗試。Mulder，我希望從
這些話中，你能了解它、了解我，接受這個很多人都認識，卻又無法完全
驅逐的陌生人。如果你看到這個時，邪惡已將我吞噬，你千萬不可認為有
祕密干涉的可能.....一件你可能已經做的事。雖然我們一起走了很遠，
最後這段路必定要孤獨的走.......


[第三段]
I have not written to you in the last 24 hours
because the treatment has weakened my spirit as well as my body.
Mulder, it's difficult to describe to you the fear of facing
an enemy which I can neither conquer nor escape.
Penny Northern has taken a down turn.
I now look at her with a respect that can only come from one
who is about to walk the same dark path.
Seeing her I can't help but seeing myself in a month or a year.
I pray that I have her courage to face this journey.
Mulder, I feel you close,
though I know you're now pursuing your own path.
For that, I'm grateful, more than I can ever express.
I need to know you're out there if I'm ever to see through this.

    我過去24小時沒寫給你，因為治療讓我身心虛弱。Mulder，很難向
你形容，面對既無法戰勝，也逃脫不了的敵人的恐懼。潘妮諾倫病情惡
化，我以即將走上同一條黑暗道路的人才有的尊敬看著她。看到她，我
不禁看到一個月或一年後的自己。我祈求具有她面對這段歷程的勇氣。
Mulder，我感到你很近，雖然我知道，此刻你正在走自己的路。為此，
我心存感激，遠超出我所能表達的。要是渡過這關，我需要知道你會在......

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先這樣吧